This next post is based on true event. Descriptions of persons included have been over exaggerated, and names not listed because I didn’t care enough to ask in the first place.
It was time for me to make my next trip to see my then girlfriend (now wife) in a two and a half hour flight from Philadelphia International Airport, to Atlanta International Airport. I have made this trip once before about 8 months ago and enjoy the short flight. Coming from someone who once took a 26 hour flight to Okinawa Japan, and then back again, the time in the air doesn’t bother me.
Like most passengers I spend my flights with my headphones in playing some awesome music and fall asleep to pass the time. Normally I mind my own business and try not to talk to people, because, lets face it, I am not a people person, and tend to come unhinged pretty quickly when strangers talk to me about things I have no idea about. I am polite, but I have my edge, and it’s much closer than the average persons.
Now I don’t mind small talk, the occasional ‘where ya from’ or ‘where ya going’ or even a ‘have ya ever flown before’ typical airplane talk, it’s the talkers that get to me. I am an antisocial person by nature. I tend to stick to myself unless I really know you, hence the reason it takes me so long to make friends. I am especially anti social whenever I am in public places, dealing with people I will, more than likely, never see again, such as restaurants, Wal-Mart, and airplanes. So like typical me, I tried to keep to myself once again.
With my luck I was of course put in the middle seat. No bother, this means the strangers on either side of me will not talk unless they are taking to me right? WRONG!!
I spent the next thirty minutes that we sat on the tarmac listening to a conversation being had across me. Not besides me, or behind me, or even in front of me, but literally across me. Two people sandwiching me in talking like I wasn’t even there. They were the bread and I was the ‘didn’t even notice it’ hint of mustard.
The guy, with enough gel in his hair to cause a grease fire, asked the lady if Atlanta was her final stop. The lady, decked out in a nice business suit and pearls responded with “Yes” apparently she has work in ATL. I cringed at the thought of them asking me. Don’t worry gentle readers, they never asked me. They completely, 100% ignored the person shaped object with eyes darting back and forth in the seat between them. Normally I am okay being invisible, but not when a conversation is taking place across my chest.
I thought the light banter about what they did for a living would be the end of it. As you may have already figured out I was Dead Wrong. While most people stop talking during take off, these spectacular people continued gabbing through the ear popping take off. They began a novel of a discussion about vacations they had been on. The man, who’s voice began to sound like a lawn mower running out of fuel told the too interested in my opinion woman about his trip to India.
Now I love India as much as the next person, but I don’t want to hear about riding an elephant in great detail while I’m trying to eat my complementary peanuts and sip my ginger ale. Still the light chat played on, with the women talking about how much she wants to see India. Next she told him about her trip to Japan.
I love Japan, I mean I love it, lived there for two years, and never wanted to leave, but there is only so much a person can take. I have about 40% of the patience a normal person has, and I was slowly reaching my capacity. Hearing about the temples and the artwork was itching my brain. Most people might chime in at this point, but not me, I was already too upset to hold a normal persons conversation.
Soon their talks sounded like Charley Browns teacher. Wao Waa Wao Wa. But it continued for an hour. Yes my friends, one hour of a conversation that I was never brought into even though it was sitting on my nose like a swollen zit the entire time. These people were literally leaned in so their heads were in my line of sight for a minute there. I could smell his cologne he was so close. I awkwardly brushed my arm against hers.
I listened to the entire conversation. Why? Because I like to listen to peoples conversations and then have lengthy discussion about them with my wife… (that’s not weird)
So the conversation ended, with the man noticing the book the woman was reading. It slips my mind what it was, but I am sure it was something sappy and stupid. They talked about the book for half a minute before she admitted to only being on page ten and wanting to see where it goes. Like being a page ten is really ‘seeing where it goes.’ You are barely into the story at page ten at that point you are just reading the book, hit me up with ‘see where it goes’ when you are on page 113.
As the conversation came to a not so abrupt end they both began doing their own separate things. So like a normal person I put in my head phones and closed my eyes, trying to sleep for the next hour or so. I was getting there too, before the man tapped me on the shoulder. And do you know what he had the nerve to say to me? I’ll tell ya…. “Can you please turn your music down?”
Oh buddy you are lucky I am in the military and it is frowned upon for me to cause a scene in public. And I didn’t want to get thrown off a plan and not asked to fly again.
After having an hour long conversation breathing into my mouth as I tried to mind my own business you are going to ask me to turn my music down because I was bothering you. I was bothering you?! Like you didn’t just get spittle in my ginger ale from talking too close to this chica over here like I didn’t even exist. Could have asked me to switch seats so you could talk about elephant poop without me feeling the gentle breeze of your breath on my cheek. Could have ended the conversation when the plan took off, but no you didn’t. Did I complain? Yeah a lot in my head, but never out loud, because I don’t like causing scenes, and one of my biggest fears is getting put on the no fly list (irrational I know) The nerve of some people.
Moral of this story is don’t talk across people, its weird and gross, and inconsiderate.