I’ve decided, after watching several videos online about relationships, that I should answer the question everyone asks when they find out you are married. Yes I am talking about that question; “How did you two meet?” Now my wife, as lovely and intelligent (so much smarter than me) as she is, is not the type to sit down at her computer and type out pages worth of random words that just so happen to make sense in sentence format in order to get her feelings out. In other words, my wife is no writer and she is not here right now, so this story will be in my perspective. The flaw in only seeing it through my eyes is you won’t know whether all my random thoughts and feelings are going to work out in the end. The upside is I tell a great story. Maybe if you are lucky my other half with write her perspective down and you can get the whole story. Until then just deal with what I got.
The year was 2010 and I’m all signed up to enter into the United States Air Force. This wasn’t exactly a dream of mine in the truest since of the phrase. I had made this life changing choice based off of a few circumstances that I felt were problems. I was 19 and living at my parents house, working at Hardee’s fast food restaurant and dating a girl that wasn’t right for me. For the sake of being fare I’ll call my girlfriend at the time, Kimberly.
My life was as normal as a 19 year olds life could be but I felt like I needed more. I had stopped going to college (music major) because of money and transportation issues, and because I didn’t feel the music anymore. As much as I would have loved to play professionally I knew I had the skills, but not the talent. Honestly I know I have a true talent for one thing in this world, and music just wasn’t it.
Well Kimberly and I had been dating since high school, with a brief hiatus from me being not such a good person, and karma slapping me in the face for it. (That is another story for a sadder time.) Kimberly was in college and I spent my time taking the bus down to see her every chance I could get. This was all based on the time I could get off work, and money I had. Obviously being a teen working in fast food for $7.25 an hour at about 30 hours a week, I did not get to see her too much. Yes it was sad but like I said before she wasn’t right for me, and I knew it, but I have a complex about being alone and having someone there really helped with that. This alone complex stemmed from me not liking myself too much at the time, but again another story for another time.
Kimberly was in her junior year and decided to move in with a few friends in a cool off campus apartment. I had been to her first typical dorm room style in her freshman year and met her friends who were strange but cool. I had been to her second place which was trending and had cool stairs and met a new friend who was loud but nice. And now it was time for me to go to her new place and meet two new friends who I had no idea about.
It was the second day that I was there. I helped Kimberly with her move and was enjoying being alone, because I am socially awkward if I don’t know the people I am talking to. I spent most of my time in a room watching movies on a tiny TV. But one day I got out of the room and I met a girl.
She had pink colored hair and bright blue eyes and smiled at me, but it wasn’t just any smile, it was the type of smile that changed your life, and it changed mine alright. In a soft voice she said ‘Hi I’m Courtney.’ and I mumbled something I can’t quite remember. Honestly the conversation was a blur to me because I was, at that very second, undoubtedly, and unfortunately in love with the short girl moving her stuff into the room across from where I was staying.
Now this makes me a bad person, sort of. I had a girlfriend, Kimberly, but I wasn’t her biggest fan, and she wasn’t mine either. In my personal opinion she and I had glommed onto one another because we were both scared of just floating out there all alone. (The story of old Kimberly and I is a fascinating tale.) Kimberly was nice, entitled and arrogant but a nice enough girl. I didn’t want to hurt her, so I didn’t. I kept my mouth shut and my eyes on my own paper. I knew what these feelings were, it was the first time I felt this way about a person but I knew exaclty what it was, but it wasn’t okay for me to shout it out loud, so I didn’t.
Oh but time went on.
I was spending something along the lines of 10 days at this apartment because I was about to go off to basic training and felt the need to spend 10 days with my current girlfriend. So as I had nothing to do but sit around and play acoustic guitar like a true douche bag, so that is what I did. Low and behold there she was everyday with me Courtney, as if she was gravitating towards me. We would watch TV together and not talk. She would draw (art major) and I would watch her. She would ask me questions I would answer them trying to sound as cool as possible, which was impossible for me. Seeing her leave for class made me sad, but I passed the time looking her up on Facebook and looking at the things in her room like a true creeper. Then the night came.
Get your mind out of the gutter, we talked.
BACK GROUND: Kimberly had informed me of the dark twisted past Courtney had with her best friend in the whole wide world, lets call her Amy. Courtney was in love with Amy for years, and they dated for a short period of time. Courtney was still hung up on Amy because lets face it Amy was pretty cool and funny. Courtney had it in her mind that she and Amy were meant for each other, which destroyed me down the the deepest depths of my being.
Back to the night.
We all sat on the couch talking about stuff, and laughing as a group of lesbians do, and everyone started to get tired. One by one all the lesbians left leaving only me and my future wife. We sat on opposite couches and some how got into deep conversation about relationships. Apparently Courtney thought me lucky because Kimberly and I seemed so great together. I shot that down quickly with the truth. Kimberly and I were not made for each other and I knew that even before I met the person I was supposed to be with. I spilled the beans that she and I wouldn’t last, but it was hard to let go of a relationship I put years into, plus the guilt of leaving again. (another story) I could see it in those baby blues that she felt sorry for me. How does someone stay in a relationship with someone they don’t think they belong with? Little did she know I had only confirmed my negative thoughts towards Kimberly when I met her just days before. I felt like a bad person, but this love things was an all consuming force.
I soon asked Courtney what the status of hers and Amy’s relationship was and she informed me, that she was in love, and they were meant for each other no if ands or buts about it. All though they were not together and had not been for years, Courtney was convinced they would one day be together. She had it in her mind that Amy would see the light and fall in love with her, and she did years later (longer story). But at that time I was in love with her and needed her to believe that she wasn’t in love with Amy. I spent a little while trying to convince her but she was stuck in her ways. Devastated I spent the next hour making conversation the best way I knew how, with sarcasm and jokes. I was so clearly on the defensive, but I tried not to make my heartbreak known, because I had no reason to be heartbroken. I was supposed to be in love with Kimberly, how could I be sad about Courtney being in love with Amy.
We made silly jokes, well I made jokes and she laughed. We talked about eating humans, and how you can eat the brain (we are not zombies or freaks) but you couldn’t eat the grey matter. She made me feel more comfortable in those few hours than I had ever felt in my entire life. But the night had to end. And with the third time Kimberly came out of her room to see what I was doing, I bid my new friend good night and went into the room.
I stayed awake that night. I had to so I could stop myself from running out of the room and knocking on Courtney’s door. I wanted to see her. I wanted to talk to her more. Everything in me screamed for me to just spend a few more minutes with her. I wanted to see her smile and hear her laugh. I wanted to see those blue eyes light up when she looked at me. My heart said yes, but my brain said no.
I couldn’t do that to Kimberly, not again. I couldn’t hurt her, I had promised to never do it again, and that night I kept my promise. I stayed in bed and waited out the night.
The next day everyone joked how Courtney and I were new best friends. She and I had inside jokes from the night before and we had very little tact in letting everyone know. It was at this point when I texted one of my friends a message I am not proud of. I told her “I think I have feelings for my girlfriends roommate.” we had conversations about it, and I filled her in quite they way I am doing now, and she decided it was a bad idea to tell anyone and I agreed.
It didn’t stop me from loving Courtney and I was bad at keeping my distance. I spent every waking hour with her, that I could. I spent more time with her than I did with Kimberly. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but it was almost as if I needed to be with her. I wanted to know everything about her. I wanted to sit next to her and listen to her life. I had never felt this way about anyone and I had no idea how to handle it. Again I had no tact to speak of. I spent my time talking to her, and when she wasn’t home I tried to think of things to say. I tried to look cool, but uncaring so she would like me. I tried to hint that I liked her, but saw no sign of her liking me too. Every moment with her was in slow motion but went way too fast.
I know keeping my feelings to myself was the right thing to do, but if I could go back, I would kiss her.
Well one day everyone went to a GSA meeting together only Kimberly had to meet us there, and Amy was at the front cause she lead the group. So Courtney and I sat alone together somewhere in the middle of the room and I was a trouble maker. I poked her flirtatiously and made her laugh with my brand of humor. We played a game where we were going to get put in separate groups but I kept her with me. Let’s face it we were flirting the entire time. That was the first time I thought maybe she had feelings for me too.
It was after that she spent most of her time in her dorm room watching Friends (her favorite show) with Amy. I was so jealous of their time together I wanted to kick in the door and shout “Get the hell away from my girl.” But she wasn’t my girl. My girl was sitting next to me doing her homework quickly so we would have time together. My girl was completely aware of how frustrated I was but never said a word to me.
I spent the last remaining days trying not to show how in love I truly was with Courtney. Some of these nights I had a few sips of koolaide (if you know what I mean), and it was harder to keep the flirt in. Some nights I was a perfect lady. All in all I made it through the 10 day stay without blurting out my true feelings, though it was all I wanted to do. Saying goodbye to Courtney was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life up till then. I hugged her, but it didn’t feel like enough. I wanted to kiss her and tell her I loved her, but I couldn’t so I didn’t.
Fast forward to me getting out of basic and being in Tech School. I was living on a Naval Base close to LA and I was still with Kimberly, but had a thing for this Army chick I met in my home town. Lets call her Kelly. Well Kelly was great, she was the type of girl who could take your mind off of things. It felt nice to be liked again, and have the beginnings of a relationship, because the beginning is the best part. Eventually I couldn’t keep up with talking to Kelly and being with Kimberly, so I broke it off with Kimberly. Lets face it she and I were so not meant to be. It was hard letting go, but it was the right thing to do.
The Kelly thing eventually went sour, as most of my relationships do. I was all hung up and crying because I am a cry baby but eventually moved on. Now I was living at my first base in NJ and met this chick (online) from Philly. Lets call her Layla, and Layla was a horrible person.
Have you ever met somebody and thought, wow is this what they talk about in the bible when they say bad people? That was Layla. She was the typical girl who played with your mind and blamed it all on you when you figured it out. Crazy doesn’t begin to describe this girl. But I digress.
Layla and I went back and forth, I was stupid and naive for letting it fester for so long, the entire thing was a big mess that is again another story. For the sake of this story I will tell you that Layla ended up cat fishing me online which lead me to have this massive break down (other circumstance, family stuff was at play as well) and I did the one thing I know how to do, I began to write.
I wrote the one person I hoped wouldn’t judge me for my past, Courtney. I messaged her on Facebook telling her I just need someone to talk to and she said okay.
So Uh. I know your opinion of me might be low, but i’m taking a chance anyways. You and i once had a pretty nice talk, and I’m going through a pretty messed up situation. I just kind of need someone, anyone, to talk to about it, and i thought of you. I don’t know anyone else that has a clear head on their shoulders. IDK if it’s that time of year when stuff is rough in school, but if you have the time, and if you want to, can i please talk to you.
May 5, 2012
I just got finished with all of my stuff for school so I’m pretty much done for the semester…I remember what it was like not having anyone to talk to when I was going through a really rough time, so you can talk…
That is the actual messaged sent and replied to. She was kind of cold blooded but she had every right to be. The surprising thing is she actually listened and respond to me. Even after I had treated her roommate like crap she was a good person and listen to me. I was in trouble and she put her personal bias aside and took the time to help. This spawned a long conversation on facebook spanning months.
She made me happy again. I was depressed and wanted nothing to do with the outside world, and she made me see the beauty in everything once again. I know for a fact if she had told me no, that I wouldn’t be the person I am today. If she would have shot me down, I don’t know what I would have done.
Months later I asked if I could text her. I made a silly excuse that I wouldn’t be able to be a facebook for a week or so because of night duty and she said okay. A few weeks after that I asked if I could call her and she said yes. A few months after that I asked if she would be my girlfriend and she said “Let me think about it.” Being a good person, she talked to Kimberly first to be sure everything was cool, which didn’t matter to me because Kimberly had stopped talking to me like eight months ago, and she ended up being a terrible person (ask me about that later).
Soon we were dating and I spent my time and money flying to GA to see her, or her flying to NJ to see me. We were in love, but had only a week or so every four months to express it. What we had was amazing, and it was defiantly ‘it’ but hard on us, physically emotionally and finically.
About ten months in I asked her to move in with me because this long distance life was not where it was at and she said “Let me think about it.” I convinced her, like I always do and she decided to move to NJ. A week later I asked her to marry me and she said “Let me think about it.” Again I convinced her and she said yes.
We got married in secret (another story) and moved into a one bedroom apartment with our dog Theo. We got another little dog named Rinn and we began our lives.
Now we live in FL in a nice four bedroom with the dogs and a kitty named Booker. We have started our journey to a baby and couldn’t be happier.
That is the story of How we met, from my side of things. I am sure Courtney has a totally different story to tell, maybe one day she can write it. My life is pretty great, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.